there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
