This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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