Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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