i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
