My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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