You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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