i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
