roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
