I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
