Just cropdusted the office
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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