We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
