Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
