Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
