There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
