I just cut my nipple shaving
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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