haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This baby is an asshole
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
