Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
