Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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