Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i out mim tonsoeep
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