Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
