1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got chris browned last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
