Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i believe in u and ur pee
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
