who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
