Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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