Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
