Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love having hate sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
