they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
