Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
