You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
