Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
