i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
