I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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