weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
