You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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