i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
