I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
