I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
