It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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