can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
