If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
