My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
