You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
