You made me cry and you don't even care
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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