So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
