We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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