That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
