I love black thongs
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
