He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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