Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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