I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
