yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
