You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
